Tuesday, June 21

Ex and the City

in a city of over a bajillion people, what are the odds of running into your ex? 100,000 to 1? 10,000 to 1? i beg any statisticians out there to build a model and tell me. because i really want some mathematical understanding of this. new york city is one of the biggest cities in the world, and i have an embarrassingly small sample size of men i've dated (fyi, i'm using "dated" loosely, as in gone out with on >3 dates) which equates to a whopping total of 4, two of which can be termed "exes"(again, defined loosely as someone i dated for > 3 months). see? tragically small. really, a meager pool of men to Not Run Into. Again.

forget the math, just look at the logic-- 2 out of a bajillion! it is just unrealistic to expect that you'll see, much less run into an ex again. unless of course, you work with your ex. in which case, i'm sorry, but that sucks. my advice: get a new job. and it doesn't count if you're stalking your ex either. because if you're unprepared to see him then you're just a dumb-ass any way. duh, you're going to SEE the guy, that's the point of stalking! so don't get upset if the prick is making out with another girl already. you created the drama, baby.

the point is, you're never totally prepared. and even if you harbor zero i-miss-him feelings and possess no ill will towards him (who are we kidding, there's always a little ill-will, that bastard!)-- the first time you see him again, your EX, you can't help but be jostled by it. even just a little. and that's what it was like for me. in a rush of 10 long minutes i was brought back into those moments of when we were together (last summer) and reminded of all those mistakes (sticking it out too long) i vowed never to make again.

i didn't actually run into The Ex, but i saw him randomly. the scene played out like this: picnicking with friends at one of those "quintessential" nyc outdoor events, i looked around me, scanning the crowd...and there he was. these were my thoughts, in quick succession:

1) oh look, i use to date him
2) he looks the same
3) hm...is he here with a girl? is she asian? i wonder if she's pretty and/or skinny

and then, i had to look away because God Forbid he sees me. because then what? what happens? if we make eye contact, we'll have to talk, right? do we make idle chit chat and pretend we've never slept together? puh-leez. that's just too prosaic. what's the other option? IGNORE the fact that we both saw each other, that's just more awkward. and just because you don't care about the person anymore, you still care about what they think of you and how they see you. admit it. we all want to look our best if we run into an ex. so i just faced the opposite direction and prayed he'd sit down already and not notice me in the not-so-far distance.

some of you may think i'm a coward...or maybe you think i'm foolish. it really doesn't matter. cuz for me, after i break up with someone (and contrary to popular belief, THIS guy and i had a civilized and mature break up) , i really have no desire to see that person again. we're done with each other and we can't be friends because we weren't in the first place. is it wrong to think this way? who knows. i just want someone to answer me this: what are the odds of this happening again? cuz next time, i'm gonna look HOT. or at least try my damn best to. :)

1 comment:

Holly Golightly said...

i'm sorry wen, i'm not a statician so i can't say what the chances are of running into an ex. however, i think one would agree that ny is so much smaller than it seems (i'm recalling the times when i've run into completely random people that i know when just taking a stroll on the street). i ran into david quite a few times right after our break up but a few of those times, i was prepared for the possibility. now this is funny - when "gay ray" and i broke up, he wanted to make sure things were amiable (which they pretty much were, 'cept that i finally got the chance to tell him what i thought about his lack of maturity) because he thought that there could be the chance that we'd run into each other in the future when we were "out" and then he didn't want it to be a "shock" to me. so kind, wasn't he?

as some guy friends say, it's always a "race" to see who gets a new girlfriend/boyfriend first after the break up, haha. another incentive for the rebound, no doubt...