Sunday, June 12

suffering from LMA disorder

at what point do you start to lose a sense of all your standards? and i'm not talking ethical standards (although a factor, perhaps) but your standards for the opposite sex (or the same sex, whichever is your preference, this is an Equal Opportunity blog). for me, i think its the point where any attention-- whether it be from a UPS truck driver or the homeless man on the subway-- is more ego-boosting than no attention at all.

yes my friends, i have LMA disorder. and i need help. LMA = Low Male Attention. a condition that affects any chick (or gay man) who hasn't gotten any play in at least six months. you may have it too, you just don't know it yet. and for those of you trying to deal with this in a reasonable way, i want to say-- i understand you sista, i do. just last week, i returned the cat-call of an oily construction worker-- i even thanked him for noticing. when did it get this bad? will i flirt with just anyone? yes, yes i will. i'm not sure what the cure for LMA may be, but i'm thinking great sex with a hot man (let's say, hugh jackman or brad pitt) would suffice. any suggestions on what else i could do? i'm mere seconds away from giving the coffee guy my number...he likes the way i dig change out of my wallet. okay, that didn't come out right. save me from myself!!!


edna mode said...

But you're so silky! You are, however, in good company as I am continually afflicted with LMA. Or more notably stricken with a chronic strain of HMA when it comes to crazy/nasty nut jobs, and LMA when it comes to anyone decent. Almost sounds like we're discussing levels of cholesterol. Perhaps we're due for another night out full of bad pick up lines?


Holly Golightly said...

ah yes, i feel your affliction; before my current pseudo-dating situation, i was suffering from LMA for about a six-month period too, and that's why i ended up going out on that super lame date (remember that one? i shall hereinafter refer to it as the "arby's date"); but i agree with edna - sometimes even a night out with bad pick up lines can help with LMA, so that you're not reduced to giving your # to the coffee guy or paying attn to neanderthals you pass in the street; and if you get free drinks out of it, then that evening will switch from LMA to HMA.