(hiccup). it's raining mini-icicles right now in new york. true to form, i wore heels to work today so walking home from school ROCKED! literally. it is true, i am a genius. which may or may not account for why i find myself single (again) on this anti-wonderful, poorly conceived, vomit-worthy holiday. happy valentine's day to me! and in case i was searching for an answer to 'whyyyyy???? whyyyyy am i still single?!?!?!?!?!' i can stop searching, because Time Out New York (TONY) has solved that problem for me in their latest issue, aptly titled: Why You're Still Single (and what you can do about it). holy crap, you mean drinking a bottle of wine alone in my apartment is NOT the appropriate solution? eff me.
in an homage to a single gal's biggest fear (sorry Y, but at least you only have just one), the mag's cover features a chick toting her fat kitty. inside, there is a slew of (often realistic) reasons to why you (or me or Y or the rest of single America) may be having trouble finding that special someone or just that special someone right now. ha. this includes the typical (you're desperate; you're commitment-phobic; you just got your heart stomped on) to the friggin hilarious: you're ugly; you speak in catchphrases; you're a short/skinny guy; you only date musicians, or you're secretly gay. for each deficiency, they generously offer a set of tips to counter these misfortunes. for you're ugly,they suggest a restaurant where diners can eat while blindfolded. ha! for getting over your ex, they suggest an open-mike nite. and if spouting poetry is not your thing, you can always get sauced and pump up your ego with a one-night-stand in hoboken-- land of the Eternal Frat Boy. hee.
so this is the first time i've splurged ($2.99) on this annual lonely-hearts issue. last year, i at least had a date to look forward to just 2 days post-Vday; the year before my friend and I made Man-wiches (uh-huh), drank beer, and gabbed about how i should wrestle myself away (again) from a hard-to-forget ex. but this year, the year in which i get my Masters AND--gulp--turn the Big 3-0...i felt weirdly compelled to find a reason to balk this trend, take action, and resolve myself out of singledom! but alas, i'm too lazy to make an effort to flirt, shave my legs, or join some random sports league/dance class/cooking club as a means to meeting men, ahem...new friends. blah blah, screw love and bottoms up!