if i strain my senses hard enough, i can almost make out the gentle jangle of sleigh bells, catch a whiff of pine needles under my nose, and maybe sneak a taste of candy canes from sugar plum fairies. the city's awash in lights, glowing with the Holiday Spirit and i'm still having trouble locating mine. tis the season to be jolly? that's what the song says, but the "b-side" of that tiding would be much more honest, and much more depressing: the holidays can be such a lonely time.
true, there are gifts to buy and family and friends to trim trees with, but it's not easy to conjure up that picture-perfect warmth sitting alone in my apartment. i'm up to my eyeballs in school work and in a noted funk, but fear that december will slip away too quickly. last year, i spent all of december immersed in job-hate and grad school applications. when the holidays flashed by without a moment of my attention, i promised myself that this year, i'll be different. i'll appreciate the glitter of the season, revel in the special quality that emerges from the city during this time. unfortunately, i'm just not up for it. even while shivering in the cold on a lower east side street corner, watching as the first snow fell on my head-- the perfect winter moment-- my heart still could not dance to the sound of christmas carols singing in the distance. this is so unlike me. someone please, shake me hard and get me into the holiday way before its too late.